a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
