Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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