i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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