My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
