What did we do last night that was yellow?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
