i wish starbucks made bloody marys
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Come see our sink grown plant.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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