I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
