You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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