So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
