Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
