You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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