Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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