Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
