Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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