I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
