I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm sobbing to NWA
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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