Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
