i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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