yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
