Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
