Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Randomize
