I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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