That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
