I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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