whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
