Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
