Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
