i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
