My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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