Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
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