I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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