The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I want her autograph on my taint
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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