I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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