her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
