I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
