Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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