ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
