On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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