i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
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