Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
