It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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