I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
