think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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