Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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