Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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