I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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