got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
