dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
