omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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