we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
