I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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