Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Randomize
