I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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