i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
