Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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