apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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