Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
